Have you ever kept a journal?
As a young girl, I journaled faithfully, due to my mother’s encouragement. Because we were a homeschooling family, my diaries were rather boring:
“I got up. We did school. I climbed a tree. I set the table. I took a bath. We ate dinner. I am going to bed.”
This was the sum of a normal day in our quiet lives, though I sometimes found myself pouring out my emotions onto those pages, as awkward preteen girls are prone to do. At the time, I thought those emotions were justified and perfectly sensible. Now, I get a tingling chill right down to the innermost part of my soul when I look back upon those childhood entries.
Those situations in which I thought I was the mistreated heroine, standing against the unjust criticism of an older sibling was actually just me being a bratty 9-year-old. That situation in which my mother unmercifully punished me for something that was not even my fault actually WAS my fault, and she was just teaching me consequences for my actions. Those unrelenting chores and responsibilities were my parents were teaching me character. I can see clearly now that, instead of it being those friends who snubbed me for no reason at all, it was my own childish pride and bossiness which caused me to be a rather unpleasant companion! Clearly, it was easy for me to make excuses for myself when I was the one framing the narrative.
I wish I could say that I have grown out of this childhood error, but honestly, I think it is something with which all women struggle. We are all human, and thus we are always the hero in our own minds. We are always framing our own narratives. Our laziness, self-indulgence, unkindness, or selfishness are often excused in our own minds because we can concoct a whole bevy of excuses to explain away our bad behavior! When we frame our own narrative, it is easy to justify things for which God provides no excuse.
In I Samuel 13 and 15, we see King Saul struggle with this same thing. In I Samuel 13:8-14, Saul, seeing that Samuel is late for their planned meeting, proceeds to offer a burnt offering without him. Upon Samuel’s arrival, Samuel asks, What hast thou done? (vs. 11) and Saul responds indignantly, Because I saw that the people were scattered from me, and that thou camest not within the days appointed, and that the Philistines were gathered themselves together at Michmash…I forced myself therefore, and offered a burnt offering. (vs. 11-12) Saul’s excuses, so perfectly rehearsed in his own mind, sounded quite inadequate when Samuel responded, Thou has done foolishly: thou hast not kept the commandment of the LORD thy God,… (vs. 13)
In I Samuel 15:13-35, Saul again ignores God’s commands, only destroying some of the Amalakites and allowing the Israelites to take the best of the sheep and oxen. Again, he provides excuses to Samuel, insisting that he did follow God’s commands this time, but the people wanted to spare the sheep and oxen to sacrifice to the Lord, and how could he deny them? Samuel, of course, is unimpressed: Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,… (vs. 22)
Saul ended up losing his kingdom and his life because he allowed his excuses and the narrative he had concocted in his own mind to influence his decisions. The Bible warns us constantly not to trust our own hearts and minds but instead to follow the clear commandments given in His Word.
Sometimes, I wonder how God would write the story of my day if He were to take over the journaling, the One framing the narrative. All of my sad excuses and pathetic reasonings would fall away at the principles and commands of His Word. When God looks at our lives, He sees our behavior in black and white. Likewise, when we look at our own lives, we should strive to see our mistakes and failures as He sees them. We will never improve and be the Christian women He wants us to be and has created us to be if we explain away our shortcomings.
Each day is an opportunity to put the pen of our life’s story into the Hand of the greatest Author. Instead of allowing our human minds and hearts to interpret our days, we have the wonderful benefit of allowing God to be the Hero of our story. To do so, we must weigh and measure our behaviour on God’s scales. Let us all strive to frame our narrative by the dictates of His Word.
by Abigail Medford
