The struggle extroverts face is that others assume we live lives of total fearlessness. Those who know me may think I never get nervous or shy being in front of a crowd, but I have had my share of being terrified and feeling faint. My first foray into public speaking was at age ten. I belonged to a large girls’ group at church that met twice each month called the Stepping Stones Club. This was like a Christian version of the Girl Scouts, with less outdoorsy stuff and more homemaker-y things. There was an annual program in which we received badges and trophies, displayed all of the skills we were learning, and felt as if we were the coolest third through sixth graders on the planet!
At the end of my fifth-grade year, I was asked to quote the opening lines of the poem that would start our program. I was so excited and had my lines memorized within days. Even at rehearsal, I was amped and was bouncing from foot to foot, thrilled to be performing in front of people. I nailed the lines in rehearsal and was filled with confidence.
The next night, I stood at the door to go out on the stage to say my lines, still bouncing from foot to foot. I thought, “My four lines are going to be the best four lines of the night!” The backstage helper gave me the nod and swung open the stage door. I stepped out on the top step. There were about ten steps to walk down to the stage. As my feet landed in perfect precision on each descending step, I looked out to scan the crowd. There were several hundred people—parents, grandparents, siblings, and teachers. My hands began sweating. The butterflies in my stomach started a civil war. I looked down to make sure my feet were still moving down the stairs. I said in my head, “Keep moving. Look calm. Don’t mess up. Pretend you are not terrified.” That one scan of the crowd took me from amped and excited to absolutely panicked! Right then, I remembered an old movie I had seen in which a girl went on a stage to sing, got scared, and ran away. Another girl in the movie fainted in front of the whole crowd. I could not bail and run offstage. I especially could not faint in front of all these people!
I reached the bottom step and walked smoothly across the platform to the microphone at center stage. I felt lightheaded. My brain said, “Run! Quit!” Then, I forced my mind to think of all the girls who were waiting behind the door, prepared to give their own lines of this poem that had been written and planned so meticulously. I thought of all the families waiting to see this well-designed performance of the Stepping Stones Club girls. Through this shifted focus, I took a steadying breath and leaned forward toward the microphone. With the perfect dictation I had used in the bathroom mirror that morning, I said:
“Our club is for girls in third through sixth grade.
I wish you could see the things we have made.
We learn that it’s fun to work with our hands.
We’re taught to be ladies; it’s what God commands.”
I walked offstage effortlessly, and as soon as I got beyond the stage door on the other side of the platform, I let out a long, shaky breath. I made it! I did not pass out in front of everyone’s parents! I survived! Best of all, I did not run offstage and quit on the performance or disappoint my fellow clubmates.
I have discovered in the years since this first public speaking engagement that when I focus on the good things that will come from continuing—even when terrified—I can make it through the most nerve-racking moments of life. Even today, I pray in my head before singing a special in church, “Lord, help us to blend and to remember our words, and prepare the hearts of the listeners for the preaching. Help them to see You and not me.” When my focus is on what is important—not my fears—I can do what needs to be done for the glory of God.
Through the ups and downs of life, we most certainly will have times of feeling faint and feeling that we are ready to quit. Tragedy does not give us notice or time to opt out. It shows up without warning and is always unwanted. Some of us just work and work until we literally feel that we cannot make it through another day. We all have had times when we have wondered, “Why?” with no one to give the answer. In days like these, it is easy to focus only on the fears.
In Psalm 27, David was giving himself a pep talk. He had seen and would continue to see his share of hard times. He was stalked by a murderous King Saul for years. He hid in undesirable places and lived in perpetual fear. However, we find him in Psalm 27 shifting his focus from fear and desolation to trusting God. He said in verse 13, I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
The words …believed to see… show us that David purposed to see God’s goodness. He decided to focus on what God was able to do: deliver him from his enemies and save his life. He said that he would have fainted, and then he said, …unless… He knew there would be a much different outcome if he did not keep his focus of faith on a God Who could and would save him. Instead, he went on to become the greatest king of the Old Testament because he chose to keep his focus off of himself and all of his fears and chose to cast his faith on an all-powerful Deliverer.
Yes, we will have days when we can say of ourselves, I had fainted… However, let us determine that this will not be the end of the sentence! When we are tempted to quit and throw in the towel on living for God, we must cast our focus of faith on the One Who has promised to deliver us from the darkness of fear. What a testimony that will be to those around us!
The next and last verse of the chapter says, Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. David started and ended the verse telling us to wait, which means in this instance “to serve God.” Do not focus on the fear! Just keep on serving Him. God is going to give the strength needed to keep going, as long as we keep our focus of faith on our Deliverer!
by Tracie S. Burns