Surrounded by almost complete darkness, I tried not to breathe. I knew if I did that someone would hear me and discover my hiding place. My knees started to wobble as I held my breath. My heart was hammering so loudly that I was sure the pounding sound would give me away to my pursuer. The door creaked loudly, and the light snapped on, flooding the bathroom with florescent light.
“Tracie?” Her voice sounded nice, but I had made up my mind. No! Don’t give in, I told myself, my empty lungs starting to burn. I would not move and would not go with her!
It was Christmas Day 1982. I was standing on a toilet lid in a stall of the children’s bathroom at church. The bathroom linked the two Sunday school classrooms, one room for three and four-year-olds and the other for the five-year-olds. Because attendance was down in the preschool class that morning due to the holiday, they had sent the attendees through the adjoining bathroom to join the class in the five-year-old room. It was then, as our tiny group was traipsing through the bathroom, that I darted undetected from the group and into a stall to plan my escape.
There was a BIG problem. Actually, there were several problems in my little, three-and-a-half-year-old opinion. First, my mom was my teacher, and now she was long gone to “big” church and would not be my teacher for Sunday school that day. This alone was a travesty! I could not remember having another teacher! How would I survive without her?!
Second, the five-year-old room was terrifying for one reason alone, despite the strange teachers. Those five-year-olds were HUGE! To me, they looked as if they were the most mature children I had ever seen. I mean, these children went to KINDERGARTEN! Some of them even knew how to read and write their own names!
Finally, I just did not want to do this. I was comfortable in the “known” and not interested in the “unknown.” I was happy with my routine and my teacher, my mom. I knew my classmates. I knew what the snack would be and at what point in the morning we would get to color the coloring page. I knew where my favorite spot to sit on the colorful rug was. I had only seen the five-year-old room once, and it looked absolutely terrifying. Giant children sitting at giant tables with hardly any toys was all that was in my mind. They probably did not even get to eat a snack!
“Tracie, sweetie, come on.” Now she was right outside the stall! She must have heard my whoosh of air as I prevented my own death from suffocation by desperately sucking in a lungful of oxygen. Well, the gig was up; she knew where I was. Think as I might, my tiny mind could not come up with a solution or a plan B. I was cornered in that stall standing on the toilet lid like a treed raccoon, albeit a raccoon in a pink dress, patent leather shoes, and lacy church socks.
I reluctantly stepped off the toilet lid and unlocked the stall door. As it swung open, the teacher’s kind eyes and toothy smile framed by cherry-red lipstick greeted me. Okay, she was not that scary looking, but I was not forgetting THAT room on the other side of the bathroom door!
“I know you are sad that your mommy isn’t teaching you today, but I promise you’ll have fun in our class.” She held out her hand while still offering that gigantic grin.
“Your room is scary. The kids are big. I won’t get a snack, will I?” Try as I might to hold back the floodgates, the tears welled in my eyes. Great, now I was going to embarrass myself by crying!
“What? Oh, sweetie, no, no. It’s not scary at all! We play games and have prizes, and we sing lots of songs! And I DO have a snack! I brought Christmas cupcakes with red and green sprinkles! You can pick the first one. Trust me—you’re going to love it!” The red smile grew warmer, wider, and toothier.
The tears began receding slowly at the thought of these supposed Christmas cupcakes. I thought of standing in the bathroom for the next hour which sounded extremely boring. Then, I considered going to the other class. What if it WAS as fun as the teacher made it sound? What if the children were actually nice, even if they seemed huge and could write their own names? Plus, there WAS a snack! Never to be one to turn down a free cupcake, I contemplated for a moment then reached up for the teacher’s outstretched hand. We turned, and she walked with me slowly toward the partially opened door and the sound of children having a spectacular morning in Sunday school.
Walking into that room meant I had copious amounts of faith and trust in this smiley teacher. I had never seen her before, but I knew she cared. In my young mind, anyone who smiled the way she did and offered cupcakes had to be a great person! I was still so scared of the unknown, but I also knew that even with this fear, there was a promise of great things to come. Holding onto this promise and the comforting feeling of my tiny hand in the teacher’s warm, kind one was what propelled me into that room on that Christmas morning.
Guess what? The five-year-olds were nice and super fun! The cupcakes were Christmas perfection! The next Sunday as I sat in my spot on the rug in the preschool room, I thought about how silly I had been to be scared. Now, I could not wait to be old enough to go to the five-year-old class!
Sometimes life is scary, and sometimes it is downright terrifying. We often face the shadows of the unknown. On the other side of that door in the chapter of our lives is what we think of as “giants.” We cower in the dark and refuse to take that giant step of faith because we question, “what if?”
Oh, my friends, that is when the light comes on and in walks the kindest Teacher! He reminds us that this has always been the plan. He tells us that He’s been there in the unknown place before us and has made a way for us! He will provide everything we need and will not leave us alone throughout our journey! All we need to do is reach up, put our small hands in His nail-scarred Hand, and He will take us all the way. Once we arrive on the other side of that door, our Teacher cannot wait to give us the blessings that come from our faith and obedience of walking with Him.
Friends, do not hesitate to step out on faith when God holds out His wonderful Hand to take us through that next step of faith!
Isaiah 41:10 – Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
by Tracie S. Burns