This morning, I was talking to God about the future spouses that He is preparing for my children. I was asking Him for specifics (someone who is friendly, someone who is outgoing, someone who has a desire to serve God, and someone to find Megan’s keys every day when she loses them). Then, this thought struck me—“What if my specifics are not God’s specifics?”
As adults, most of the time we think we know what we need for ourselves. Even more so, as parents, we feel certain of what our children need in life. We spend eighteen years or more preparing these tiny versions of ourselves for adulthood, only to release them into the wild while hoping and praying we will not need to bail them out of jail one day. We have concerns for them, starting from that first cry the moment they are born until they are well into their adult years. My mom used to say, “You think you will be done worrying for your children when they grow up and leave home. Instead, your worries are only different and, most times, bigger!” Even with all of the unknowns, the worries, and the concerns, almost all parents will say that they know what is best for their children.
Funny or not, God often has better ideas for His children than we do. His ways are not always our ways. Consider the life of Abraham and how he made decisions on what he thought was best for his family, but God had other ideas. He “helped” God with many things. This led to him lying, putting his loved ones in mortal danger, and his family committing devastating immorality. Abraham made a mess of life more than once by stepping in to “help” God.
One thing I learned from my friend Jennifer Beil when writing about her and her daughter with special needs, Brooklyn, for the Baptist Magazine was to pray that God would give my children struggles and trials. He requires them to endure difficulties so that they will learn to depend on God more. At first thought, this seemed to be crazy talk! Why would I want my children to struggle? However, this is what being a selfless parent is all about! Struggles make them stronger. Trials make them seek God on their own and learn to do it independently from Mom, Dad, Grandparents, or Pastor. It teaches them to walk with God and build a relationship with Him that will sustain them through the worst battles in their lives.
I want my children to be successful in life in many aspects. Mostly, I want them to find the joy of living in the center of God’s will. If I should pick where they live and what they do for a living one day, I would be dishonest as a parent who dedicated them to God when they were babies. I may disrupt them from seeking God to find the answers and from learning to listen to His voice. How will they hear Him when their mom’s voice is drowning out God’s voice?
I want my children to have happy, enjoyable marriages that honor Christ one day. If God already has the perfect mate for them, who am I to meddle in what God wants? I most certainly will make a mess of things if I attempt to choose the right person for them. I can only offer Biblical counsel (when asked) and PRAY as if there is no tomorrow.
All of this is to say that what I WANT for my children’s future, including their spouses, may be far from what God has planned to be a life of success. I know that my children will only find a lifetime of happiness by marrying the exact person whom God has already chosen for them. They will only have a joyous life if they follow the will that God has laid out for them. I would do better to pray for what GOD WANTS for them than to ask only for my own selfish desires.
I have no right to meddle with God’s plans. It does not matter if my future daughter-in-law or son-in-law is tall, short, brown, pasty and pale (like future their mother-in-law), from the north or from the south; it is not my choice. It does not matter if God wants my son to be a trash truck driver, a police officer, or a missionary in a faraway country; that is not my choice. It does not matter if God wants my daughter to be a stay-at-home mom, a teacher, or a business owner; that is not my choice. God has the plan already laid out, and I must teach them only the character to work hard and to listen to God’s leading so that, when He speaks, they will obey God’s voice.
As one would expect, I have preferences in all of these things, as all parents do. God already knows my heart as their mother; He knows what would make me happy. However, would it not be more selfless if I, as a mother, gave up that which does not coincide with God’s will? I think I can sacrifice my selfish needs for their lifetimes of happiness. I just need to remember that my God already has plans for these two crazy children. They belong to Him; He only granted me the gracious opportunity to raise them to serve Him. Even though I may imperfectly think I know what my children need in life, His will is better and is always, always, always perfect.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. – Matthew 6:33
by Tracie Burns
