Christmas is the season of miracles, but for me, it became a season of grief in 2022. Shortly before Thanksgiving, after years of infertility, I had a surprise pregnancy that ended in miscarriage. A moment of great joy shattered before I had time to process it. When the Christmas season came that year, it only exasperated my hurt and confusion. All around me, people were celebrating the miracle birth of Jesus, and all I could think about was why God had not kept my baby’s heart beating. Why could He give Mary a miracle child but take away mine? I knew He had the power to keep my baby alive, yet He had chosen not to.
I continued going through the motions—going to church and serving and reading my Bible—but my heart was not in it. I had so many days when I just cried out to God, begging for answers that never seemed to come. Then one morning, I heard Him speak.
It was the weekend before Christmas. I sat down for my usual devotional time, flipping the pages of my Bible until I came to that day’s Scripture: Luke 2. My eyes skimmed over the familiar passage, not fully reading the words on the page. Then, I came to a verse that made me stop. Luke 2:11 read, For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. The words …unto you… jumped out at me, hitting me like a wakeup call. It was as if God were reaching down to answer all my questions from the weeks before with a simple truth: I gave you mine.
In tears, I realized that my arms were not as empty as I had thought. Jesus had filled them long before the trials of infertility came into my life. Even though I did not have a baby to cherish this Christmas, I could cherish the Son of God. I clung to the reminder of God’s gift to me and decided there were a few things I could do to celebrate JESUS during this hard season.
Just pray. Prayer became my lifeline. After reading this verse, my prayers changed. Instead of being angry and filled with questions, I asked God for strength to accept His will, even if it meant I may never have children on earth. Every time I began to spiral into endless questions, I would quiet myself with prayer.
Encourage myself. I quickly realized that if I did not find a way to encourage myself, I would wallow in self-pity for hours. So, when this happened, I went to the Bible, revisiting favorite verses such as Philippians 4:8. I read passages about characters I admired like Queen Esther or Daniel. On the days it was too hard to focus on Scripture, I reached out to godly friends and leaned on them to remind me of God’s promises.
Seek joy. During this season, it was so hard to find joy the way I had before. Life had lost the magic “glow” it contained before this great loss. I had to pause purposely during my day and seek small things that brought me joy. I had to take note of the beautiful world God created for me and lean on my family and friends to draw that joy to the surface. Slowly, I found joy again, and it began to brighten the darkest moments.
Utter praise. Turning my complaints into praise went a long way toward drawing me closer to Jesus. I started a gratitude journal and made myself write down ten things I was thankful for every day. Having a focus of praise helped me develop a more positive outlook during grief.
Stay close. Above all else, I determined to stay as close to Jesus as possible. Just as a mother clings to her child for as long as she can, I chose to cling to Christ. This meant making Him the focus instead of my grief. Every single day, I made time to prioritize Him by drawing closer to His Word and surrounding myself with people who would challenge me to strengthen my relationship with Him.
This Christmas season looks very different. I am in the throes of motherhood, finally holding a miracle baby that God allowed into my arms. Even so, I find myself revisiting this passage and the decision I made a few years ago. Every time I look at my son, I remember Jesus. I am determined to keep Him at the center of every moment. While I cannot introduce my baby to an earthly sibling, I can introduce him to the One Who filled my arms long before he was born. I can teach him how to pray, stay encouraged in God’s Word, seek joy, utter praise, and stay close to Him all his days. There is no greater gift I can give him. Then, one day when I step into Heaven, I will get to look into the eyes of my Saviour, Who holds the baby I lost and the one I have gained, and echo back: “I gave you mine, too.”
by Victoria Roberts
