I have a list in the Notes app on my phone called “I can forgive because…” I add reasons to this note when I think of them. The list is long and full of painful truths. I did not start this list because I was having a hard time forgiving. I started it as a writing idea, but it has somewhat turned into a resource for when I may have a hard time forgiving in the future. My first thought (because I have much pride) is, “I do not have a problem with forgiveness,” but my next thought is usually, “Or do I?” The fact is that we all have a problem with forgiveness in the sense that we can say the words “I forgive you,” but in our hearts, we still hold on to that hurt for a long, long time. We hold back from being close to others when we have been wronged. We go out of our way to avoid people who have hurt us, even those who may not know that they have.
I have been wronged. On the other side of the coin, I have wronged. Maybe I have not always known it, but in my forty-one years of life, I cannot say I have always been in the right when it came to disagreements and proper treatment of others. Of course, my pride desires to argue with that fact, and that is my flesh trying to overcome the Spirit. I wish I could say I have said “sorry” to those I have hurt, but I am sure there are some people who I did not realize I had wronged.
When I was a Bible college’s Dean of Women, part of my job was to administer discipline. Just as the boss sometimes becomes the bad guy for enforcing rules, I was sometimes the bad guy. I know I was not “liked” by some rule offenders. Did I always handle each situation correctly? It is likely that at times I did not, for I am far from perfect. I even know that these many years later, there are grown women who still hold grudges against me for giving them demerits when they were eighteen and could not keep their rooms clean. Guess what is hard about that? There have been times when I have found it difficult to forgive their unforgiveness! How is that for a spin?!
All in all, we have each been there and/or will be there. We are emotional creatures with sin natures. The Devil wants us to hold grudges and keep that unforgiveness close to our hearts. If we hold on to it, who is hurt the most? It is not the one whom we cannot forgive. It is, sadly, our own selves.
Psalm 66:18 says, If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me: Our unforgiveness creates a rift between us and our Saviour. I can go to God every day, but when I hold on to unforgiveness, He cannot hear my prayers. He will not hear when I ask for Him to care for my children. He will not hear when I ask Him to help me be the right kind of wife. He will not hear when I beg for the health of a friend in pain. He will not hear even when I praise Him. Oh, how devastating it would be to know that God could not hear me because I could not forgive! Imagine the unknown blessings I would be forfeiting because I was too selfish to let go of my resentment.
Being wronged is painful. Being falsely accused or even rightfully accused hurts. Being treated badly by others can create emotional turmoil. However, we must forgive in our hearts, and sometimes daily, so the way can stay clear between us and our Heavenly Father. We cannot afford to lose the ear of God at the cheap expense of holding a grudge or garnering resentment. Unforgiveness can lead to bitterness, and bitterness is a deep, dark pit that requires an arduous climb to escape.
Let us start each day with a clean heart and mind by forgiving the wrongs our flesh refuses to release. Our peace depends on our forgiving. Our relationships with others depend on our forgiving. Most of all, having the ear of our Saviour depends on our forgiving of others.
Forgive generously so that peace can be yours today.
by Tracie S. Burns
