I began my day on an emotional roller coaster. I was almost eleven weeks pregnant with my fifth child (sixth if the one in Heaven were to be counted). I found myself overwhelmed with the feelings of exasperation and failure. I was exasperated about the mounds of dirty dishes found throughout my house, trash overflowing, laundry piling up everywhere, and the fact that I had no energy to do anything about any of it, not to mention the nausea that I was battling twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. To add to the exasperation were the feelings of failure about my four children, whom I obviously had not reared correctly because they could not ever seem to get along, enjoyed living in filth, and had very selective listening skills.
I found myself questioning the fact that I was going to bring another child into this world. Why would God give me another child when I was obviously failing with the four I already had? Why would He not give the child to someone who was childless or, in the very least, a better mother than I?
I cried. I prayed. I cried some more, and to my surprise, though I should not have been, God showed up that day! God always shows up when His children need Him. God reminded me that day of some things that I had forgotten and of some that I had not realized.
Parenting is hard; in fact, it is the hardest job on earth. There are no manuals to study (There are plenty of books, but all contradict each other.) and no tests to pass to say that someone is ready to be a parent. Sure, I have God’s Word, the Instruction and Rule Book for all areas of life. I must say that the greatest parenting tip anyone will find within its pages may be in John 15:5, …for without me ye can do nothing. I am not saying this is the best parenting tip that we will ever learn, but I am saying that it is the hardest tip to accept and apply!
Without Christ, parenting is absolutely impossible! We all know plenty of people who do not go to church or who do not even believe in God who had children who have turned out great or who became great parents themselves. However, let me remind us that those who do not believe in God or do not go to church have a much easier job; they are not rearing their children to live for God. Because of this, they do not need to fight the enemies of God for the sakes of their children.
When rearing our children for the Lord, we may feel as if it is a constant battle, because it is! We are in a war with the enemies of God. Their weapons are not swords, guns, or missiles; instead they are guilt, fear, discouragement, failure, etc. The enemies convince us that we cannot rear children for the Lord in today’s society and that everything we are doing is wrong.
Unfortunately, we often choose to listen to the voices of the enemies and believe their lies because we are fighting them in our own power and strength. We are trying to rear our children in our way and according to our plans. We think that they must become our “ideal” versions of human beings. We may say that we are raising them for the Lord: We bring them to church, educate them in a Christian school, and even say a few prayers, but we have neglected to accept the fact that they are not our children at all! We are to rear them according to God’s plan and His ideal. Our children belong to God and always have; He has just entrusted us to instruct them for Him.
One of the greatest realizations to which we can come is the one of which I was reminded that day. God created me for my children, and my children for me. No other mother on the planet could parent “my” children; I am the perfect match.
We may have some mother whom we admire—she whom we think is the epitome of the greatest mother. We must remember that we are not she, nor are we parenting her children. Each mother was designed by God especially for “her” children, and each child was designed especially for “his/her” mother. We cannot compare ourselves to some other mother, just as we cannot compare our children to someone else’s children. (II Corinthians 10:12)
Every child is unique, not just within the human race, but within his own family. Parenting one child in the family may not be the way to love and parent other children in the family. All five of my children are different; they each have unique personalities. I must love all of them equally, but that does not mean that my parenting style will be the same for each child.
One child may be independent while another is needy of time and attention. They should not be parented in the same manner but only in the same amount. God created the parent and her child for each other, but we must not forget that without His help we can do nothing, and that absolutely includes parenting.
We must learn to turn our children over to the Lord and ask for His help. That means not to stop parenting but to stop parenting in our way. We must pray and teach our children to pray. We must read our Bible and teach our children to read theirs. We must practice true love (I Corinthians 13) and teach our children to do the same.
Parenting is hard, but it is even harder when we forget to include the Lord. When our children do wrong, we show them that we are disappointed, but more importantly that the Lord is disappointed. We must teach them that all sin is disobedience to God; when they disobey us, it is really the Lord Whom they are disobeying. We must rear our children not to please us but to please God, for if they please God, we will be pleased.
We must stop worrying about what others will think of our parenting jobs and start worrying about what God thinks. We will answer to God and no one else for how we parent our children. Let us do ourselves a favor and get rid of our ideals of motherhood and our children, and instead seek God’s ideals. Parenting without Him is a recipe for failure and enables the enemy to prevail.
Parenting is the hardest job on the face of the planet, but as Jesus told His disciples in Matthew 19:26, …With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible. When we feel as if we are drowning in the sea of parenting, we just need to reach out and grab hold of the One Who walks on the water and give Him control. It will still be hard, but it will no longer feel impossible!
You CAN do this, Momma, because your relationship with your children is truly a match made in Heaven!
by Crystal Collinsworth